My Name is Mary, I am 34 years old, been married since December 2016 to my amazing husband Dave (amazing because he puts up with my bullsh*t) and we have a beautiful baby daughter called Liberty Raven who was born on 6th September 2018.
I have been diagnosed with Bipolar after years of struggling with my emotions which I thought was completely normal! The NHS definition goes as follows:
Bipolar disorder, formerly known as manic depression, is a condition that affects your moods, which can swing from one extreme to another.
People with bipolar disorder have periods or episodes of:
- depression – feeling very low and lethargic
- mania – feeling very high and overactive, less severe mania is known as hypomania
Some of the highs and lows I have experienced consisted of quitting jobs, Living the dream as a Club 18-30 holiday rep when I was 21, moving to London to study at the London College of Fashion at 25 following on from a passing comment, being a serial engager (I have 4 rings, 1 made it to have the accompanying ring) cheating (I am not proud of this one little bit), making extremely poor life choices, and even a couple of times where I have been in a very dark place.
I have done so much research into why I have it and no one knows exactly what causes bipolar disorder. Lots of recent research has focused on looking for causes in genetics or the biology of the brain, but many researchers also believe social factors may play a part, such as difficult life events or experiencing trauma as a child. (https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/bipolar-disorder/causes/#a )
Childhood trauma is what I believe triggered me. During a difficult time when I was 9, my parents split due a insane situation which consists of an affair , a sexual harassment claim which lead to job lose and it was splashed over the tabloids. (They did get back together though) To top it all off, I was diagnosed with a hole in my heart and had to have surgery to fix or I wouldn’t live past 13. Even now thinking about it causes me distress! No one is to blame for this, these things happen! That’s just life!
I fully understand the illness now and learnt to live it. I do struggle sometimes to work out whether some of my thoughts are what I actually think or are they medicated.
This blog allows me to write down my thoughts and feelings, share my life with you and be a place where I am able to talk about topics or experiences which I can relate to and then give my view to help me learn from them. Maybe it might help you learn too and enable you to share your own opinions and experiences. If I can help only one person with my experiences or advice, then I would be happy with that.
I hope you enjoy reading it, feel free to contact me if I can help you with anything relating to any of the above.