Finally I am at the point where I was able to write and relive my labour experience. It wasn’t what you would have classed as ‘bad’ as I didn’t have to have an emergency C section, lose blood, Liberty wasn’t in danger but to me it was horrific. I say that as I am traumatised by the pain I experienced during it to the point that I would honestly say that I would be scared to have another.
Before we get to the labour story, I will set the scene of the build-up for you. As my due date got closer and closer, I was feeling anxious as not sure when I would go into labour and what signs to look for. These feelings were driven by just nerves as had the signs drilled into me about a million times. I would get obsessed with every single twinge and convince myself that the time was coming shortly after but nothing happened.
Once I finally reached my due date, it was like waking up on Christmas Day and then going downstairs and there being no presents under the tree. I don’t know why I thought that she would come on that date. She has been mischievous all the way through my pregnancy by hiding on scans, kicking the heart monitor and raising her heart rate just to let us know that she was in control so of course she wouldn’t appear on the date she was supposed to. As I had now reach this date and she was yet to make an appearance, I was now classed as overdue! I now had to create a plan on how to try and induce labour and get Liberty out!
I tried all the methods to get her moving (and I mean all of them) had a number of stretch and sweeps but to no avail and I was then a week overdue! I was slowly but surely losing my patience and it was starting to upset me and have an impact on my mental health.
I had my Week 41 midwife appointment on 4th September and I just broke down and begged them to arrange me to be induced as soon as possible. There had been so much planning into my aftercare once Liberty arrived but no plans were considered for the possibility of being overdue but there should have been. With this in mind, my induction was authorised and I would be due to go into hospital to start the process 2 1/2 hours later! Liberty was finally going to be served with her eviction notice.
The next couple of hours were a blur, I literally sat in silence for about half an hour processing in my head that the next time I am at home, I will have a baby! My life will never be the same again! It was such a crazy moment for me that I literally felt and reacted to every single emotion possible. I did some emergency research on induction methods to prepare: https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/pregnancy-and-baby/induction-labour/
RIGHT, LETS DO THIS!
Once arrived at hospital, I was hooked up to an ECG monitoring and the first part of the induction procedure commenced. The 24 hour pessary was administered then the hospital tag went on my wrist! I think I scared the nurse when she attached my tag as I had this face of fear that I looked at her with this creepy blank stare! The fear was fuelled by the fact that once that tag was on meant that I wouldn’t be leaving here until she is born.
NOW ALL I HAVE TO DO IS WAIT!
Dave left to go home to get some sleep as this was probably the only real time that the opportunity would come while waiting for the pessary to work. One thing I have learnt throughout this waiting game is that everyone is different! You can search the internet, reading forums, blogs and apps to see if you can match your symptoms and experience to get a time scale but it is impossible! You can get some comfort from reading other people’s experiences but can’t take it as fact!
I managed to get a couple of hours sleep and then I woke up to the sound of screaming like someone was performing an exorcism! It was so theatrical and loud that I could hear it through my headphones! One thing I hadn’t done while pregnant was to watch a birth video to prepare myself and have an idea of what it actually sounds like. You see in films that it is so dramatic but what does it sound like in real life. I sat up in bed and then the realisation set in that in a few hours, I would be in the situation! I was absolutely terrified and felt so scared. I bolted from the ward to get some fresh air and then blew Dave’s phone up in floods of tears as had a full blown panic attack! Dave managed to calm me enough for me not to demand him come in and then messaged one of my best friends too and she managed to settle me too (she has been through this 3 times so pro advice) I got back into bed and had a cry, once I heard the baby cry I was okay.
I struggled to get back to sleep and then fresh screams started down the corridor! #FML (not trying to be remotely disrespectful or dramatic but you know when you hear in programmes and films when they refer to being in a mental hospital ‘it’s the screams at night that are the worst’ that’s my opinion of the labour ward!
Following on from the night I had, I decided that I was changing my birth plan (bye Water birth dream) and opting for the drugs and have the epidural as not sure I could deal with the pain as felt so vulnerable and scared to death!
As the pessary started to work, I managed the pain of the contractions build up thanked to my TENS machine from Boots! Really did work and managed only going up to the 3rd intensity instead of making it all the way to the 9th speed which I was happy with! However I knew that nothing would set up for the main event as I still couldn’t clear my mind and get the noises out of my head!
Finally the 24 hours were up! Am I ready or do I need to have another attempt?? …………..TO BE CONTINUED