I currently sat at home alone and bored! I go back to work properly next week but Dave’s mum takes Liberty every Tuesday so I can get used to it but today is harder than ever before! I literally feel so alone! I have done the laundry and cleaned the house, meal planned for Libs, ran errands and got food for tea and it’s only 11:30am! I have never been good on myself and ‘relaxing’ (what does that even mean) and it’s especially hard now!
I get lost in my own head and my mind races to the point I start to panic! I don’t even know what I’m even thinking about or panicking over which is so confusing! Like in my previous post, I was desperately wanting to go back to my old life and now I have a day off like old times, I hate it! I feel like I will never find a balance and constantly contradict myself! I really don’t know what do I want!? 🤬
I listen to music which helps a bit but music to me is like listening to a soundtrack of my life! Every song has a meaning and reminds me of certain situations and people I have had in my life, some bad and some good and some awful. Listening to some songs helps me find a little peace as I feel like they have been written for me to give me advice and guidance (obviously not the Pussycat Dolls, are I definitely don’t feel hot or want to loosen my buttons 🤣)
However I am currently listening to Ariana Grande – ‘ Bad Idea’ which isn’t probably the best song choice for my current mood!
I am going to get some coffee and go for a walk around Valley Gardens (my happy place) and clear my head! I will be counting down the hours until 5pm when I get Liberty back. Luckily I have therapy tomorrow which will help regain focus 🤞🏻