So they think I’m going slightly manic and alittle OCD 🤔
So went to my appointment with the Consultant Psychiatrist yesterday to get some help to guide me back on the path following a period of anxiety and panic attacks. They think I’m going slightly manic as like I wrote in my last post, I agree. Going over the symptoms that I was experiencing, they picked up on one of the things that do on a daily basis. This is Liberty’s chart. This chart has a list of each feed, what food she has had and when, whether had a poo, bath and what time she goes down and what time she wakes in the night. I have done this chart ever since she was born. They think that I have OCD! To me I think I just like to be in control and know if there is suddenly a chance in her routine when I will know if something is wrong with her. Also knowing what food she has tried while weaning her. That makes sense right?!
I am not expecting to do it until she is older where she ends up doing herself and ends up with an eating disorder. It’s purely until she is fully weaned I promise!
I don’t think that it’s OCD to do that, I just like routine and to be organised that’s all and be in control. Before Liberty was here, it was work what I was in control of. I don’t want to go back into that dark place I was in when I was obsessed with work and trying to do everything.
They told me that I needed to take a step back and stop putting too much pressure on myself. When they asked me questions, I couldn’t give just a yes or no questions. I had to give reason to why I was answering for example, are you sleeping? My answer was yes but no. The reason being what with Liberty being poorly, I don’t sleep properly in case she has a coughing fit in the night. This is the reason for my tiredness which then makes me need to push myself to be lively so people don’t think I can’t cope. Yet again, does that make sense? I was told off a number of times for not answering questions properly.
Following on from me giving them my life story to date, they made the following recommendations:
- Start to take additional medication to level me out – Olanzapine
- Need to make a plan on how to reduce my stress starting with work (already put the wheels in motion for this as submitted my flexible working request where I will reduce my hours and have an extra day with Liberty). They suggested that I look for a job in Harrogate as stress will be reduce by not having to travel to York but I simply can’t. Work have been so good to me and supported me over the years (not like I feel like I owe them) I have to stick it out as changing now wouldn’t be good for me as I HATE CHANGE!
I have another appointment in 2 weeks to have a review and see if I need to amend my medication again. I do feel alittle better now but it will take time. I just need to stop with the pressure. I promise I will try.
🖤
Mental Health Anxiety bipolar Health life Lifestyle medication mental blocks Mental Health mental health awareness opinion plans
My gut feeling is just to trust your intuition. Humans create too many labels …often these make us feel incapable or dysfunctional. All the best to you.🙏🏻😍🙏🏻
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I hope the Olanzapine works out for you. I take 20mg of the stuff and have seen an increase in weight.
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Only on 2.5mg now and take with 200mg Lamotrigine, they mentioned that as a possible side effect 😩
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