Feeling deflated after the christening and desperate for something else to plan but have zero energy. No amount of make up can hide my tiredness or the stress on my face. I have lots of things going on in the next couple of months to look forward to including a hen party (living the dream visiting a theme park) a wedding (outfit sorted) Spice Girls concert (reliving my youth) and hopefully taking my driving test but I feel so out of it that I’m scared that I won’t allow myself to relax and enjoy it

and feel like I will set myself up to fail.

My anxiety is still really high and this week has been a challenge due to issues with my medication (my medical records weren’t updated properly, they increased my meds without actually seeing me and then giving me the wrong prescription). Supposed to have a driving lesson this week but concentration is so bad that don’t think I could handle it. To top off this week, we are going to find out what the future has in store for us at work as the consultation documents will be available on Friday for the new staff structure. Dave has had the last few days off which was perfect timing for me as I don’t think he realises how much I need him at the moment and he really does settle me. He even took me to Betty’s for lunch which was lovely as it’s one of the places that I feel happy and was nice to just chat and have someone else making food for us instead of me.

Only positive is that I get to spend time with Liberty and spend some of her vouchers like investing in her new summer wardrobe (not like she can wear any of it yet due to the horrible weather) and some new toys such as a musical instruments as she loves playing with them at nursery. I’m sure I’m going to regret that soon. Also I have managed to shift a bit of weight which I was worried about as medication has a common side effect of weight gain! 😱. Hopefully this wave will past soon as it’s exhausted! Thank god for this blog and been able to get my thoughts out! I highly recommend it to anyone who is struggling as it really does help to see it written down. #HopefullyIWillStopBeingADrainerSoon

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